Friday, November 20, 2015

This Ain't About You

Guys. Guys. Let's bring it in. It appears we need to have a discussion.

I really just want to give my guys the game.  Now, what I'm about to give you is considered a secret.  Matter of fact, the kid may have to disappear after I give this up because I'll be giving away the secrets.  Just know that I love you all, and all I ever wanted to do was spread truth, love and the Sex Positive American way.

Guys - if you are in a situation where you have a *cough* Fuck Buddy *cough*, and the women suddenly begins to creep you out because she acts like she cares, listen up.  No matter what happens - no matter what - I want you to go ahead and stand down. Don't call your boys talking about "she crazy! She wants a relationship!" No. Neaux. Nope.  Trust me.  That is the furthest thing from her mind.

It's not that she cares about you, or doesn't care about you - what she actttttuaaaallllyyyyy cares for is the dick.  There. I said it. We care about the well being and are concerned for the muscle that is between your legs.

When your "FB" randomly calls with that slightly awkward but sweet "So how are you?" She ain't really asking about YOU. She is asking her friend, Mr. Tal E. Wacker, about his day and how he is feeling.  When she asks "Are you doing ok?" What she means is "Did this jerk wash you today? Did he massage you? Did he protect you before he stuck you in that yamp? Do I need to come take care of you?" When she is "clockin' you" and asking your friends where you are, she is not asking because she wants to know if you're at the club - she is asking because she wants to know what time she send that "cum thru" text.  Trust me. She is having a whole conversation that involves you and doesn't involve you at the same time.
See, the issue is that women aren't allowed to talk that way.  A woman being blunt about her pleasure makes her a whore; us telling a man "Hey. This is really about sex and nothing more" often makes her the bad guy.  And truth be told - there are a LOT of men out there who feel some kind of way about a woman honestly saying "I don't give a damn about you - I'm checking on my friend, Mr. Dick MiDown!  Tell him I said hey!"  

Despite what ya'll say, ya'll are sensitive about your shit.  And we are the more sensitive sex.  So instead of making a big deal and hurting your pride, we often just let you think that you've got the power - that you are the man - that we are calling and being weird about YOU.

The truth is....It ain't about you.