Last summer, I was working on a YouTube series with two friends.
The series was blah at best. We had no direction and no real idea of where this was going. It was a constructive way to fill our time and think we were really doing something. It was a “talk show” YouTube series where we interviewed interesting people in Richmond, Virginia. But we didn’t have any guests lined up. And once the show started, we didn’t have a list of guests waiting. The unpreparedness and “winging it” attitude conflicted with my meticulous methods.
But I'm a hustla. I'm going to go get it.
For the second week of the show, I went to an artist showcase for local artists that a frat brother had put together. I found an artist who agreed to go on the show. Like a real artist -- if he doesn't sell his paintings, he isn't eating. We needed guests and I went out and found one. I got him because his art was good. He is openly homosexual, but I didn't care about his sexuality because he's not here to discuss that. He's here to talk about his art. His sexuality is his own business, I thought, and there's no reason to discuss it at length.
My friends were not here for it.
They (we'll call them Po Boy and Euro) asked me to make sure the artist was not going to discuss his lifestyle, and not talk about the biggest news of the summer: same-sex marriage becoming legalized nationwide. They did not want to have a real conversation on being an openly gay Black man and all that entails. Instead they played it safe, and it made for an okay interview.
The exposure for him was great. He has hella followers on Instagram and we expected the interview to get a lot of love, and it did. Months later, he made a portrait of a very popular reality TV star and she put it on her Instagram. That’s wash poppin’.
Po Boy and Euro made some really nasty, degrading comments in private about the artist's life: his personal style, his eccentric selfies and how he had a boyfriend. They, two straight men, talked about him, a gay man, a lot in private conversation. They were on his Instagram every now and then when he came across their timeline, and looked at his shirtless selfies and poses with his boyfriend. This was the same summer that Bruce Jenner made the transition to Caitlyn. Again. I don't think it's a big deal. I supported it. If he felt better about himself and his life if he were to become a woman, I support that. Who are me to judge?
Po Boy and Euro did judge. They judged Caitlyn just like they judged the artist. They despise his lifestyle - yet they talked about it so often.
Black men, if we are engaging in violent behavior against the LGBTQ and women, we are no different than the people who are holding us back.
That means having to have uncomfortable conversations with our problematic friends.
The first uncomfortable conversation happened at Buffalo Wild Wings of all places. Po Boy and Euro liked to have their "meetings" at B Dubs for whatever reason. While there, we ran into "Hakeem" and "Henny P. Newton." Newton is a guy who has gotten a lot of my respect because he's a Woke Black man who seems to be on the right side of this issue. Hakeem is my best male friend and I was surprised he joined with Newton in the argument. Hakeem and Newton argued Po Boy and Euro could take the show and be interesting, entertaining, engaging. Everything that it currently wasn't.
"Why not talk about the Caitlyn Jenner issue?" Newton and Hakeem said.
"We don't want that gay shit associated with our brand," Po Boy and Euro argued.
Po boy referred to the Supreme Court's decision to allow same-sex marriage in all states as "bullying." He said he felt bullied by the LGBTQ community pushing their agenda on the public.
Their pride made him uncomfortable.
I'm soft spoken, and all four of them are loud as hell so they can speak over the music and sports on the TV. When we got back to Po Boy's apartment, I wanted to finish the conversation and let it be known where I stood.
I was uncomfortable with the jokes about the artist. I was uncomfortable with them calling Caitlyn Jenner “he.” Because it was problematic and close minded.
Not too long after that, the show had only one good episode. It was two vs. one for the rest of the show's life. Later, I accepted a job offer down in Danville, Virginia and that was that for my role on the show.
I was in Richmond because I had lost a job, and then lost myself. Down in Richmond, I found my voice and found the confidence to align myself on what I believe is right … Even if I lose some friends. I learned about the LGBTQ community, feminism, male privilege, misogynoir, and all of those topics because it made no sense to me how they get treated differently because of their sex, gender or sexual preference.
Later, I learned that I was becoming “woke.” But learning information can’t be the end of the “woke” process. You should share what you’ve learned.
No one looks at a pack of wolves and tries to figure out “which one of them is the nice one who won’t tear me apart.” They are all the same. They hang together. So, if all of your friends engage in fuck nigga behavior, guess what? That’s who you are. I ain’t a fuck nigga, but I hang out with them, so I’m guilty by association. I am no better than they are by sitting back and allowing their actions to carry on.
Sometimes it’s just words, but words can leave a lasting influence on a person’s self esteem.
I had a friend tell me this about street harassment (which is a public safety issue btw): the only thing you can do is educate yourself and educate your friends. The latter can make for a lonely time; I’m talking about losing people you’ve known for years.
But what is worse than that, is people losing their liberty and their lives to ignorant people.
People I used to call friends.
Used to.
Michael Livingston so happens to be one of the cool kids. He stays woke, loves the people, and he definitely writes for food. Follow him and his words on Instagram and Twitter at @mikelive06.
