You know, Brown and Black boys have body issues, too.
I think we as women don't recognize them because....hell, let's be honest. We ourselves are finally shedding a lot of the misconceptions of our OWN bodies - and we haven't even touched the iceberg of THAT fact. So dissecting and de-learning the things about our Black men is just as hard, and will take just as much work as well. But do you want to know when I realized that our men have body issues too? In my last relationship (I learned a lot from that situation. A whole lot).
When we first met, we were doing the whole "exchange pictures every morning of what the person is wearing" thing. One day, I made a comment about how tall and lanky he was - not because it was a bad thing, but because he is. You know. Random observation. I said something along the lines of "Oh my God, you're so thin. I'm going to break you because I'm 200 lbs SOLID." He didn't text back for about ten minutes (you know, in the early talking phases, that's like, a LIFETIME lol). When he finally texted back, he says "You're beautiful just as you are - and yes, I know how skinny I am. I've dealt with that all my life. You don't have to remind me."
"You don't have to remind me."
And it clicked. Like, a light bulb literally went off in my head.
See, our Black and Brown men are INUNDATED with images just as we are. What is "handsome". What is "attractive". Tatted men with beards, Lance Gross, Big Papi Ortiz, Michael Ealy types are flaunted in front our them on a regular - in our #ManCrushMonday posts, in the pictures that we post on Facebook with the lustful "Oh my god" captions with the heart eyes, on our snap chats of men out in public - and we don't realize that we have set our men up for failure. Just as we have been set up. They feel that if they are not the buff, big arm having, washboard ab procuring, long thick beard flaunting type of man, then they aren't deserving of the women they are, in turn, attracted to. After the conversation with him, I begin to really pay attention to the way men responded to our open lust. Many act as if they aren't bothered by it, many throw shade about it, but if you read between the lines....they are bothered. They are indeed VERY bothered. Pressed. Upset. And feeling a little (or a lot of) unworthy of our affection. Or attention. I never realized that so many men went back to the gym in an effort to look like the men we fawn over. I never realized that so many went for broke on protein powders every month in an effort to look like Idris Elba. Or they struggle to grow beards because that seems to catch a woman's attention. And oh, God. Please don't let him be short. That's....a whole new can of worms, gnats, and triggering conversations.
I used to read studies in grad school all the time that said that Black men and women weren't "as affected" as white men and women were by images in the media. Bruh. Strike up a conversation with your friends. A real deal conversation. Those studies are tailored to a particular population, and they are quite frankly a load of bullshit. Media shapes and molds our minds - from childhood throughout adulthood. And if you consistently see images that say you aren't attractive in the natural state that you are born into, then guess what? You won't see yourself as attractive. And then when you add the reinforcement from your own? Man. It's bloody war. And we expect for women to feel pressured. But we never think about the pressure that the men, especially our Black men, are under.
I used to read studies in grad school all the time that said that Black men and women weren't "as affected" as white men and women were by images in the media. Bruh. Strike up a conversation with your friends. A real deal conversation. Those studies are tailored to a particular population, and they are quite frankly a load of bullshit. Media shapes and molds our minds - from childhood throughout adulthood. And if you consistently see images that say you aren't attractive in the natural state that you are born into, then guess what? You won't see yourself as attractive. And then when you add the reinforcement from your own? Man. It's bloody war. And we expect for women to feel pressured. But we never think about the pressure that the men, especially our Black men, are under.
Now, I'm not saying that women should run out there and date men that they aren't physically attracted to because.....well, let's face it. Physical attraction is often what gets you through the door. Man, woman, gay or straight. People walk up to us and say "Hi, I'm xyz" because something about the physical makes their eyebrows raise. But as we as Black women are reclaiming and celebrating our shades, statue, and physique....we should definitely encourage our Black men to do the same because, let's face it.
They are still a reflection of us.
They are still a reflection of us.
