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| This could be us, but you playin' |
I was brought up in a single parent home. For the largest majority of my life, it was me, my mother, my older sister and at times my grandmother. Yeah, I grew up the only boy in a household of strong, matriarchal women. I have no complaints! I took the dog out, fixed the wifi, screwed in bolts, raked leaves, took the trash out and many other duties befitting the “man of the house” label and expectations, even from a young age.
With that said, growing up with all women was an experience. Lifetime movies were the bane of my existence. I’d never really got to watch what I wanted to watch on tv unless my older sister wanted to watch it, too (I remember racing home from school to make sure I could control the remote so we could watch toonami while doing our homework, and hoping that she would agree to watching Dragon Ball Z or Gundam Wing) but if that wasn’t the case, or my mom was home, we would simply watch what she wanted to watch. Times like this I learned to go in another room, read a book, maybe go outside if it was during the day- Basically find ways to entertain myself, whether it be with my action figures, or other imaginary things I filled my time with.
But then, one day everything changed. It was Christmas, actually, if I remember correctly. My dad came through and brought his usual assortment of gifts. My parents always tended to find a way to get along with each other for birthdays and holidays, luckily…but that’s beside the point. One of the gifts my dad had for me was a Sega Genesis. I had seen one before, he had one at his house. And I would play it when I went to stay the night over my cousin's house or something like that…but this one, was all mine. My dad brought me two games: the original Sonic the Hedgehog, and X-Men: Escape from Asteroid M (or whichever one it was where you could play as Gambit and the first level was the wild lands)…my dad told me, “Don’t let these women drive you crazy. Take that little tv in the middle room and escape. This is for you.”
In my young age, I didn’t quite understand the totality of what he meant, but as time went on, I realized that my video game was the only thing in life that was all mine. The girls didn’t really care for it (although, in later years my sister got eerily proficient at beating my ass in Tekken…I'll still never figure that part out). This was everything to me. Even with my action figures, my sister would draft them into her barbie day time stories and I’d happily play along, playing the roles of my action figures…it was just nice to have someone to play with. But my video games were mine. All mine.
Which brings me to the topic of this article.
Let your man play his video games.
Just let him. I get it. You want his attention. You work hard, and how dare he not recognize your magic or your queenly glow every waking second of the day, or even on demand? This is flawed thinking. Just like you, he fights battles every day that you would never know about. He may not complain. He may compartmentalize. He may deal with stress in his own way.
OR
He may wait until he gets home and can escape from it all.
He may be looking forward to knowing he can come home to a good woman who loves him and supports him and is willing to listen to any issues he has, but he may honestly rather not worry you with his petty issues or complaining. (us men aren’t really conditioned to complain…but that’s for another day, another article)
He may look forward to coming home and melting the face off an alien with SMG fire. Or meeting a friend online for a game of 2k where he can live out his childhood dreams. Or traveling to an alternate reality where he can be his childhood hero. Or….I could go on.
See, being a gamer does not mean he doesn’t love you. Or isn’t interested in spending time with you. And I can't speak for all men, so please take this article where it applies, but for some men, gaming is what keeps us sane. We see how fucked up the world is, just as much as our Queens do. And even though many of us fail at it, our charge is to not only strongly navigate this world, but protect our women who are in it as well. The man who takes this charge seriously and does his duty deals with that pressure. He deals with those expectations. He deals with it. He may not complain. Or talk about how seemingly impossible it is to be semi-conscious and not in a state of constant rage, as james baldwin so eloquently said. He feels it. He carries that burden. And sometimes, just sometimes, he needs to get away. He needs to go back to being that kid again who just wanted something all his own. Maybe he’s like me. Maybe he’s not. Maybe he has other reasons to love playing video games all his own.
What I do know is this: let him play. Or, ask to play WITH him…not play for a few minutes, do terribly, then ask if you guys can do something else, just to say you did it. If you’re going to play put actual effort into it. Try. And if it’s not your thing, then let him do him.
I can’t tell you how many times my wife has had the tv on Chromecast, watching makeup tutorials. The big tv. With my game connected to it. And she KNOWS I’d rather be playing it than watching some random woman do her makeup. But that’s the thing about balance, ladies. Think about it. Really take a second and think of all the things your man sits through, or goes to with you, or does with you…that you KNOW he could care less about doing.
Think about it.
Then ask yourself "why can't he have a few hours to himself?"
To some, this may sound selfish, and for that I apologize. But also, I hope it helps to give much needed perspective on a multi-billion dollar industry and hobby where one trade show may make millions of dollars of profit. This is serious business to everyone but yall, my Queens. And that needs to change.
Let him play. Bring him a beer. Sit with him. Play in your phone. Or have basic conversation, depending on the game. But stop acting like him being a gamer is a negative check on his sheet. There are so many more things I could go in on with this post, like the fact that him being home playing video games with online friends you may not know, should beat the hell out of him being out somewhere doing God knows what with real life people you may not know…but that’s a given (I hope). Ill end this here, but know this, Queens.
We love you.
We just sometimes need a bit of time, a world, a court, gun, some powers to ourselves…sometimes, in order to be our best for yall, we need to get away, and be that kid again.
Marshall Stevenson is the podcast host for "The Legion of Love" Podcast group and an all around nerdy kind of guy. Follow his podcast on Facebook at www.legionoflovepodcast.com, and make sure to follow his shenanagins on IG/Twitter @marshallpoetry.
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