Black Girl Kink Problems

You know, it's hard enough getting people to understand a sexual pleasure that has been deemed as "taboo" or "something that white girls do".  Things such as fellatio, anal, and bisexuality have been long deemed by the Black community as "nasty" - some even say it's ungodly (especially the bisexual part - that's another story for another day).  Ever heard a 40+ aged Black woman talk about head? Their views on it are often - I don't wanna say wrong, but one's definition of sex is just that; THEIR SEXUAL DEFINITION -  But their views are often borderline damnation.

"Oh, you like that? You're nasty."

"It shouldn't take all that."

"You should never put your mouth on a man's piss stick"

The list goes on and on.

So, picture this - imagine how Black Women who are into BDSM (Bondage - Domination - Sadism - Masochism) feel when trying to explain our kink to our fellow Black Women - or even Black Men that we are dating.

"What's that?"

"So you like that slave shit?"

"So you like being beat on? That's not sexy"

Again. The list goes on and on.

Images and wording like this don't help the situation. At all.  Not because we don't like the terms used or the images - but bbecause those who don't understand our kink have placed it into the tiniest of tiny boxes and feel that these images, along with some porns, are somehow degrading to Black Women (and some are - but again - another blog for another day)

*Bites bottom lip and smiles big*

Ah, rope work. The way to my little submissive heart. But I digress.

See, this is the world that Black Girls With Kinks live in - a world where our kink is shunned, deemed as something that nasty white girls, black girls who wanna be white, and perverted white men do, and we are viewed as strange because of what turns us on.  In my last relationship, when explaining what I liked and what I was, his eyebrow raised to high heaven when I tried to tell him that "Your Kink is what you make it."  He did like most do in this time of technology - he googled "BDSM" and the first images he saw were images of girls with the words "Slave" written across their chest; pictures of women in dog kennels; submissive women who had been branded by their masters, and he was turned off - which I found interesting, because he has his own set of kink, but his was easier to explain than mine.  He couldn't understand how a woman who he described as "powerful" and "magnetic" could be into something so....degrading.

And then - he experienced it. We sat down. We went over the rules. He explained his expectations and I told him mine (because truth be told, the submissive person hold the power. Word is bond.) And before we realized it - we had our dynamic going.  Because I trusted him. I believed in him.  And before he knew it, he was into the swing of it. And didn't mind it. And respected the trust levels it brought to our relationship.

But, every Black Girl with a Kink doesn't get her way.  Masters leave. Lovers reject ideas. Trust is hard to come by. A lot of people think that BDSM means that you just like to get choked (NEWSFLASH. There is a difference between rough sex and BDSM).  So what is a Kinky Black Girl to do when she loves her kink, but has to find the happy medium between Kink and Vanilla Sex?

In the words of one of my loves, "Sometimes, you just gotta settle for fucking."

*Sighs in Kinky Black Bitch*