Toy Soldier

If you Google "Things you don't know or need to know about sex toys", you'll get a million articles from a million places all saying that same thing.  "The first known dildo is so and so age" and "vibrators were invented by this person" will more than likely come up.  These articles have been written by women and men, of all races and ages.  And as I got ready to write this - I found myself not wanting to be cliché.  I mean....everyone has covered this.  So what can I say that's different?  What can I say that's unique about something that is so natural - which is sexual exploration and experimentation?

I immediately thought about my first experience in buying something from an adult store.  Had I been to sex stores? Sure.  That was on the Freshman in College Bucket List - "Go to the back room in Record Rack" or "Visit The Hut".  So friends and I got our laughs by going to these places, looking and giggling about something that we were adult enough to see, but not really old enough to understand.  And while my friends and I were all pretty sexually active in college - none of us really UNDERSTOOD sex. (Truth be told, many of us STILLLLLL don't. But I digress.) So these trips and excursions were fun, but soon lost their flavor, as we moved to other interests and Freshman In College Bucket List Things.

I don't know what made me go back.

Curiosity?  Self awareness? I'm not sure.  All I know is that my sister and Brother in law gave me my first vibrator as a gag.  We were all working in the mall and they stopped by my job with a gift that they said I need to open when I'm alone.  "You need to relax," they said  with a smile.  Did I? I mean - I had a boyfriend at the time and things were flowing pretty well, so I laughed it off.  Until I got home. And opened it.  And there I was, staring at my kink for the first time.  It felt odd. Then good. Then weird. Then I just stared at it like "this is so not me."  Not in the sense of "I'm not this desperate" but in the sense of "I wouldn't have picked this for myself."   Listen. It was so BIG. Like "WHHHYYYYYYYYYY" type of big. Like "Oh My" type of big. Like "You are NOT sticking that in ME" type of big.  Yet, as I laughed and put it away, it made me wonder - what would I have bought for myself?

So, when I went to the store, I knew what I wanted and had an idea of what would make me happy.

Stop. Let me not act as if I'm some guru or like I'm soooo sure of myself   I was scared.  Literally scared to death.  It's amazing what I do and don't remember - like, I don't remember if I was by myself. I don't remember which store it was, but I know it was in Little Rock.  Like, I don't know why I thought I'd be judged by other people in a head shop, but I did.  Upon reflection, this was ten years ago - maybe I felt out of place because I didn't see faces like mine in the building besides on the pornography magazines and videos.  Maybe it was admitting that I was a "freak", as defined by other 18-22 year olds who had no clue about sex, either.  But no matter WHY, the fact remained that I still went in, scared shitless, and paid cash because I didn't want the charge to pop up on the bank statement that I shared with my mother.  Like, who wants to admit to their mother that they got something to get them off? Not I, said the little kitten.

Hm.

Since that day, I've done my share of purchasing. For others and for myself.  And I've learned that sex toys are porous, and have to be cleaned, and that they go on sale, and that there are groupons for them (Yo.) and that the industry for sex toys in a billion dollar business.  But you know what I haven't learned?

How to get rid of that "I'm being judged" feeling when I walk through the doors.

That ONE Friend

Ladies and gentlemen, let's discuss that ONE Friend.

We all know what friend who will do and say the dumbest things just to get noticed? That hypocritical friend that when he talks, you're like "Bruh.."?  That's Ben Carson to me.  A lot of people call him an "Uncle Tom" and a "Token", which I find offensive to my mans Uncle Tom AND my mans Token.

Token didn't take Cartman's shit for you to insult him this way.

And honestly, my issue with Ben Carson isn't even that you think the "white man's ice is colder."  Actually, I would like to think he realizes the struggles that a Black man has to overcome in order to make it in a society that begins profiling our sons when they are as young as the 4th grade.  My overall issue with Ben Carson is that he's a bigot. And an idiot. And a little naive. And a bit of a hypocrite. But a lot of bigot.

Have you heard some of the things this guy has said? First, it's problematic that as someone running for this position, you can't explain the debt limit or your take on what to do.  Secondly, those little comments that he made about the Oregon shooting? He only wants immigrants of the respectable sort, and then there are those pesky comments about Hitler and gun control - and dude even made a joke about it! And then was like.

I mean....but about those Jews and those guns, eh? EH?

 

 

Carson, much like any Republican, is a bit heavy on the "Do as I say, not as I do" tip.  He benefited from affirmative action, but feels that there is no need for it now because "race doesn't determine the underdog".  He believes that the Japanese deserved their form of reparations, but that African Americans don't deserve reparations for slavery.  Of COURSE, he has his nose in the womb of a woman, and I think that HE thinks that because he was in pediatric surgery, that he has the right to do so.

Lowkey....no. HIGHKEY. I think Ben Carson is auditioning to play the part of Vice President.  You know how all the Vice Presidents act when they are auditioning - everybody is being loud and extra wrong.  And extra simple.  And that's one thing that makes him that ONE FRIEND.  He's that one friend that wants you to know his triumph, but forget his struggle.  He's that ONE friend that plays on being Black when it's nice and convenient - but when it's time for our Black doctors to be on our side, he leans away.  Simply put, Ben Carson is that one friend that just....

Won't.
Go.
Away.

If I Say I'm Pro-Sex

When I say that I'm "Pro-Sex", what's the first word that you think of?  Or when a woman says she is sex positive - what string of words or sentences pops into the cerebrum?  Depending on who you are, you may think that she is a "hoe" or even (gasp) a "Thot."  Let's face it - fifteen years ago, you'd never hear a song about a man giving a woman head, and if you did, it would be so heavily metaphoric that you would have to decipher the code to understand that 'Hey. He just said he'd perform oral sex on her!'

And must we be reminded of the shocked that occurred when emcees like Lil' Kim and Foxy Brown began to openly talk about sex, their expectations and how it should be? Oh, let's go further back. Salt and Pepa, anyone?  Man, to think that those were the opening stages for a lot of young women's sexual questions (mine included because um - I wanted to know what a cock was) - and this was almost twenty years ago.

But even with this open shift of talking about eating booties and eating a woman until she cries, there is still little room for a woman to be open and frank about her sexuality, her appetite, and her prowess.  You'd think it was still 1996 and the Lil' Kim had made another head reference on a mainstream track.  Even Miss 65 Million Sold, Nicki Minaj, has had to take heat for her lyrics and overall sexual nature  - But why?

People view sex one of two ways - if you talk about sex too openly, you aren't wife(y) material and therefore, anything that is said can be dismissed with a simple wave of the fingers and a delete of the comment.  Or, she gets the DM slide.  Do I really have to explain the DM slide? Ok. The DM slide is when a guy or girl comes into your private messages, without warning, so they can proposition sexual situations or conversation.  Most are pretty harmless.  But many are predatory and vulgar.  Extremely. Vulgar.

But I digress.

I find it interesting how we have to remain respectable.  How we as women, even in 2015, have to act as if sex is not a fun act - something that even now we aren't supposed to be able to enjoy, much less discuss outside of....I don't know....knitting circles and "girl time" get together.  Eleanor Roosevelt once told her daughters that sex was needed, but cumbersome, situation, geared toward the pleasure of the man - and for the most part, she was right.  Mainstream didn't talk about the woman's sexual pleasure until the 60s, but by then, it was engrained in us that "Ladies" don't talk about the bedroom.  That "Ladies" don't discuss not being pleased.  Simply put - a person who has a vagina has no say so in the implementation of pleasure or sexual activity. 

But that's not the scary part, because people in general are not comfortable with others being open and honest about the dirty deeds that we do between the sheets.  What's scary is that there is an open push against the education and furthering of women's reproductive rights.  It's concerning.  I can only have baby on the terms of others - how is that freedom? How is that motherhood? Or womanhood for that matter.  Even when it comes to who speaks for us, we can't.  A few years ago, a panel went in front of the Senate to discuss the issues dealing with women's health, and the panel was ALL MEN.  Not. A. Pussy. In. Sight.  And trust me, when discussing those things that are sex positive and pro sex, women's health is important.  Just as important, if not more so, than what makes her quiver.  Dig me?

But look - questions? Comments?  We will be discussing Men's sexual health too (Guest blogger in mind?  Just give him my information)  Let's just call me the Hood Dr. Ruth (I just cracked myself up from that image LMAO).  If I don't know the answer, I can find it.  If I can't find it - you may have stumbled on something.

The Queen Has Returned

It's been a long time. I shouldn't have left you without some dope words to read through.

Seriously. I haven't touched this since 2013 because I got tired. I got frustrated. Oh but my babies, a lot has happened since then.

Trayvon. Eric. Mike. Freddie. Sandra. Rekia. #BlackLivesMatter. Hands Up, Don't Shoot. #YouOkSis. Baltimore. Ferguson. NYC. Bruh, I know I'm missing some things - but the truth is  - I didn't know what to say.

I didn't wanna be "that blog". I didn't want it to be alllllll political and black because that's taxing on MY soul. Being Black is hard enough - write about it every day? Shit.  Between my facebook, my twitter, my IG, I felt like I was beating a dead horse. But I didn't want to be a blog that ignored it. So I had to let these energies balance out. Had to find focus. Had to get back to me.  And sometimes, as a writer, that takes time. But guess what? I'm gonna quote our favorite fictional anti-hero right now.

"I'm back, bitches" - Luscious Lyons

So, no games. This month, I'm launching a podcast (I need a male cohort. Interested? Email me) I will be posting video content called "Mid-week Mind Games". Looking for guest bloggers, too. 

The Nerdy Nonconformist is back.
Your favorite loud mouth is back.

Hold on. It's gonna be a bumpy ride.

Why I Friend-Zoned You

*sigh*

I'm really tired of the complaints from the "Friend Zone".

No. Please. Continue rattling on about these video vixens that you are gunnin' for.

It's not the Friend Zone isn't real; Oh, it's very real, and honestly, women get friend zoned WAY more than men.  The thing is...it's all about WHO is friend zoning WHO and WHY.

I've friend zoned guys for a few reasons and when I get to talking to some women, I find that they had the same reasons as well.  So, without further adieu, here are a few reasons why you got "Friend Zone."

1) I told you when we MET I wasn't looking for a serious relationship.
You saw me in the club. You complimented me. I complimented you. We had a drink. Danced a bit. And while we have a nice connection, I told you via text THAT NIGHT that I wasn't looking for a serious commitment.  I told you that while we could chill, I don't want anything heavy; Dinner (maybe). Movies (occasionally). Sex (yes please). But nothing serious. Yet you continue to ask "What are we?" or "Where is this headed?"  So yes. I friend zoned you out of peace of mind because you were becoming a bug a boo (Kelly Rowland head roll) and you had no respect for my space.

2) She was probably out of your (mental) league.
I'm not talking about your standards of money or status.  I'm talking about your mental.  See, MOST times, before a guy hollers at a woman, he does a QUICK background check, if it's as simple as "Yo, homey. Who is shorty with the fat ass?"  Now, I know from EXPERIENCE that if a woman is a gold digger, a tease, or anything of that nature, ya'll will tell it.  So if a homeboy says "Yo man. She's a bit of an academic. She's not going for simplistic, basic shit", and you know that you are a basic, simplistic ass cat.....well....yea. You'll get friend zoned.  Us academic girls want to talk about more than pop culture and sex (although those two things are VERY fun to discuss) and let's be real; if you can't keep up mentally, you'll definitely lack everywhere else.

3) You're An Asshole.
No explanation needed. Women like Alpha Males. Not assholes.  And chances are, you're the worst type of asshole: You don't know when to turn that mess OFF.

4) Three Words: "Homey, I'm Taken."
Let's be COMPLETELY real. A lot of the men complaining that they are in the friend zone were zoned by women in a relationship. Whether her relationship is on the outs, in good standing, or in between, she is committed to someone. See, a lot of men suffer from the same disease some women suffer from: IWantittis (pronounced i-Want-it-tis); like toddlers, they only want things when they see someone else playing with it. That same girl was single for YEARS, and the moment she got a man, suddenly you discover where you "lost" her number and you hit her with the "hey stranger".  You set yourself up to be friend, counselor, helper to a woman whose heart belongs elsewhere to begin with. Then you wonder why she calls you her "best friend" and gets her back blown out by a dude who barely remembers her birthday.

Wanna get out the friend zone? Be yourself. Listen to what people say. And for Christ's sake, stop shooting for women who are committed, even if it's half hearted commitment. You'll fair a lot better.

Jay-Z & Shopping While Black

So, by now, we all know the story of Trayon Christian, Barney's and the belt, right?  Unless you've been under a pop culture rock, you've heard the stories, and all the follow up stories of how African Americans are being stopped after shopping in these expensive, upper class retail stores.  Much like DWB (Driving While Black), SWB (Shopping While Black) is not a new level of racism; Ask any black kid who grew up in a middle to lower class neighborhood with a store ran by a Asian.  We've been getting hit with the "Hurry Up And Buy" since before Menace to Society, so we were used to, and of course outraged, by this story.  A young black male goes to buy a belt (something that will apparently prevent them from being profiled and treated badly according to black apologists and conservative whites) and he is....profiled...while buying the belt.

Now, let this would have happened to...say....an Arab student?  Or say, an Asian American? Their communities AND their celebrities would be on the ball.  There would be no question.  There would be no "oh, let's wait and see what the police say."  The ball would be rolling.  *scoffs* But not our community.  Not our celebrities.  Matter of fact, our celebrities apologize for others being racists to THEM.  But let's address this current situation.

First, the young man was demonized for buying the belt by members of the black community (To which I say, to each his own.  He worked HARD for his money; he has no other pressing responsibilities; let him go for it!) THEN, our black celebrities remained (not surprisingly) quiet.  Which they always do; I never expect a black celeb to stand for anything anymore.  Black A-Listers aren't into being "spokespeople" (which is fine) but they also tend not to stand for anything (which is always a concern).

Jay-Z is held to a different standard, no matter his feelings on the situation.  Let's be honest: Jay-Z has marketed himself as being a rapper, a business man, and a man of the people.  He is, no matter how he feels about it, New York's favorite *black* son, therefore what he and his family does is deemed important.  So when a young Black man from NY is stopped at a store that Jay-Z shares a partnership with, OF COURSE people are looking to him with the confused face, especially when he says something like "oh, I don't know all the facts of the case, so that's why I didn't say anything sooner."

Sir. Sir. Stop it.

You know what I find hypocritically funny about Jay-Z? In 2010, he released the song "On To The Next One", where he famously says "I used to drink Cristal, them fuckers racist; Now I drink gold bottles; On to that Spade shit."  So, he'll drop a corporate sponsorship or stop supporting with a company that shows racism toward HIM, but if a company shows it toward his fellow people, he "has to get all the facts."

Oh.

Reattachment

I won't lie. I've been detached lately.

I don't know why either. You ever felt like you were floating through life? Like you were making it but not making it all at once? My sister calls it failing and succeeding at the same time, and I'm here for that description.

But I digress. I know ya'll don't come to my blog for my ventings on my personal life (that's what FB and twitter are for) but this is just a reminder that the kid's blog is still active and I will do better.

I won't lie. I'm apprehensive. Respected black female bloggers are having their content stolen on a regular and what's scary/funny/annoying/angering is that it's white academics stealing the info and claiming the research as their own. But I gotta get my words back out there. I think that's one reason for my season of depression and slight anxiety

But I digress. I'm reattached like Mr. Bobbitt's penis and I'm ready to go. Be in the lookout. Big ideas are coming :)

Miley, Music and Mockery

This will be quick and to the point.

You know....at first, I was all for Miley and her exploration into Rap/Hip-Hop/Urban.  It actually fits the life cycle of several white female Top 40 artist.

Insert any name in there. 50% of the mainstream fit the cycle.

Meh. What's the harm?  As we can see, the artist always bounces back, comes back as another re-creation, and we all move on and pretend as if they didn't make songs with rappers and didn't perhaps smoke a blunt while in the studio.  But I think what's so interesting about Miley Cyrus is her interpretation (read: Her management/image consultants) interpretation into what they consider "urban culture".

Dafuq she got on?

Wait. What is this foolery? Miley, why do you have on this pedophile style bear? Where are your clothes? Where are standards? Do you REALLY think that's how we dress while we as Blacks are sitting around doing our home?  And what was that crap you called yourself doing with Robin Thicke?   Who signed off on this???!?

So Beetlejuice and Cynthia walk into the club......

From a business standpoint, It's like she fit Steps 3-5 into a 6 month period. Like, girl....why?  Why do you look so foolish?  Why do you feel this is the definition of urban?  Why do grills, nakedness, and blinking bears now represent Hip-Hop?

Oh. I see.

This isn't about feminism, gender, race or really even agenda.  It's about money.  There is money in foolery. There is money in acting stupid.  There is money in making a mockery of something that was created out of the ashes of poverty and a want for change.  There is money in being the joke.

*Rick Ross Grunt*

So recently, a church fired their young pastor for attending a Rick Ross concert.  He was young, gifted, and apparently was the youngest pastor in the 100 year history of the church.  And while I'm not in the church right now, as someone who grew up within the confines and restrictions of the church, I understand the concern that the members and the board of the church would have when dealing with this situation.

Hold on. Let me put on my First Lady hat real quick......

Now, let's keep in mind that when you say that you are "called by God," there are a lot of things that you now have to consider and think on.  Being a Pastor is not the same as being a regular old Christian.  You can't drink (well, your not supposed to) and your supposed to be a better man because of your position.  You are now in a position of authority: You are responsible for teaching and preaching the word, counseling, healing, and the overall spiritual health of your flocks.  Simply put, there are secular things that a Pastor just can't do. Why? Because you're supposed to be of a higher moral ground.  You're moral compass is supposed to be better. Why? BECAUSE YOU ARE CALLED. You are supposed to have a direct line to God, so sorry buddy....you having that beer out at the bar isn't supposed to happen. 

And let's address this whole "But my pastor uses Hip Hop as a reference tool all the time!" First, let me be clear. If your Pastor is using U.E.O.N.U (or however the fuck that shit is spelled) as a "teaching tool", then you may want to switch churches.  We aren't talking about a Pastor using Chuck D or Poor Righteous Teachers a teaching tool, because the images and thought processes behind that sort of music is different and it does fit the spirit of the church: Unity. Community. Personal responsibility.  And let's be real. Referencing a song during a sermon is NOT the same as paying money to attend the concert.  And to attend the concerts of people who are so blatantly against what you as a Pastor claims you represent kinda makes me view you strangely.

Meh. But what do I know? I'm just a kid who had to write the bible as punishment. What do I know about the roles of a Pastor.

New Audio (Forgive Me)

"Sorry but Not Sorry"

#BlackTwitter

So.....the portal to #blacktwitter has become a "thing". Open to any and all who come to twitter and click the hashtag or search for it. I'm going to be honest. I don't like it.

Who ain't here for #BlackTwitter being mainstream is me.

Black twitter is now up to be scruntinized amd baptized in the waters of mainstream media. We all know what that means; that when something goes on, the MSM will take the wildest, dumbest most ignorant tweet they can from Black Twitter and make it the battle cry of Black America.  While we have all said "I'm packing my shit and leaving black twitter!", for the most part, we take a lot of the things said at face value. Sometimes, it's HILARIOUS. Sometimes, it's sad. Sometimes, it's a great way to get information to the masses. All I see in my head is mainstream media taking one or two tweets and making it the voices of masses. Or taking one tweet out of context and saying "This is what black America thinks!" Other cultures are going to google black twitter and now think they "understand".  The truth is that it takes more than 140 characters and a few emojis to describe or define an entire culture. Being black is not slotted; there is no definition of "being black" and we will be catagorized by bios and twitpics, and never for who we are or could be.

Black twitter will be another way to profile our thoughts and actions.  Suddenly leaders will have to be elected and it will become clique centered. Profiling will be worse. Scrutiny and misunderstandings will happen, all because the mainstream is now paying attention and always looking for ways to discredit.

And can we address the fact that now that Black Twitter is "a thing", it'll be hi-jacked and used against us? Have we forgotten what has happened to Hip-Hop? Dance? All things that have been deemed apart of the "Black Sub-culture"? The moment the mainstream got ahold of it? BOOM. It instantly became a shell of what it used to be.  Don't follow me? Ok. Let's look at it on a historical level: look at HBCUs BEFORE they had to join with "mainstream" academics and look at them now. *chin stroke*

I don't know about this, guys.  I feel like we may lose our voice now that we are being heard.

*sits back and watches the show*

Freedom Ain't Free (Feardom)

A little something for the people. No worries. Live video is coming soon.

Prison Education & Free Labor

Can we discuss these school closings more in depth?

No. Seriously. This is really bothering me.  Between the schools in Philly closing and the unreliable figures dealing with the school closings in Chicago, it appears that the prison education is the education that the public really wants for our youth, ESPECIALLY our inner city/urban (read: Black and Hispanic) youth.

Yes, I know the prisons being built in Philly are private funded, but they still had to get approval from the city and state to even be built.  That's how building things work. Approval first, THEN building. So, basically, the city government saw fit to close schools, cut the budget, and tell the teachers to "figure it out", all while approving a brand new prison which, by the way, will have GED and trade programs.

So, let me get this straight. Instead of investing the money into the school, these state governments would  rather....invest it in the corporation that is building a prison in the very place that will displace hundreds upon hundreds of kids.

Like, what sense does this make? But it's happening across the country.  When I was dating Beane, he called me one day UPSET. "Baby, they are closing a bunch of the High Schools here in the D.  It's not fair!"  He and our other friends from Detroit went on to describe how and why they were closing these schools.  It's the same everywhere.  Schools closed. Teachers fired. But somehow, the government in that area finds the funds to support and invest in prisons. Or they come up with excuses on why the schools can't stay open. In Biloxi, they claimed the brand new school in the middle of the black neighborhood would cost "too much to operate" and then closed it, forcing hundreds of kids to go across town.  You know what's happening to the building now? Nothing. It's a multimillion dollar building, sitting in the middle of the hood, not even being used for a community center.  Meanwhile, the city government has decided to use bonds and BP oil spill money to build a minor league baseball stadium, across from the Beau Rivage casino.

Pay attention. They take away the schools where you get the basics.  Take away the programs that keep the kids off the street. Replace both with privately funded prisons that are often used to as labor markets.  Keep in mind, the constitution says that once you are in prison, you are a slave of the state. Slave = free labor. More private prisons = more free labor.

Can we say capitalism, kids? CAPITALISM.

Blacks, Hip Hop & The GOD Complex

The first time I heard a guy call another guy "God", I was a senior in High School. I was getting to know this guy, and he in school at UAPB.  One night, another guy walks in his room and in the midst of asking for something (like some noodles or something like that) He goes "Aye God....who you on the phone with?"  My friend responded, but once he got back to the phone, I asked "Did he just call you God?"

"Yea. I think it's a New York thing. They say "God" or "Son" a lot....I blame rappers"

Now, Badu told us in 1998 that "they" needed to call us by our names because we are God and we are made in that image.  Wu-Tang had been preaching the same thing since the early 90s.  I even think Biggie called himself "God" once or twice. And who can forget this image?



Nas "You Can Hate Me Now"



or this one?

Arguably one of his best albums...but I digress.

So, it's no doubt that as music gets more provocative and honest, we will get and continue to get images much like this one.

Kanye told ya'll early on who he was

Kanye, like others, has explained his reasons for naming his new album Yeezus, and for many, it's plausible and acceptable.  It seems that in 2013, you have more and more African Americans questioning God, religion, and our need to have a belief system.  Tyler the Creator and other members of Odd Future have made it known that they have a certain disdain for religion and for God, and more and more, rappers are taking on the mentality of omniscient behavior and a #YOLO mentality.  In an era of 5%ers, new Black Panthers, new militants, and atheist rappers, it's no wonder that certain images or phrases are being brought back to the mainstream in such a provocative way.  And interestingly enough, they actually have a bit of backing from the Holy Bible. 

Psalms 82:6

I have said "Ye are Gods....all of you are children of the Most High"

John 10:34-36

Jesus answered them, “Is it not written in your Law, ‘I have said you are “gods”’? 

If he called them ‘gods,’ to whom the word of God came and Scripture cannot be set aside— 

What about the one whom the Father set apart as his very own and sent into the world? Why then do you accuse me of blasphemy because I said, ‘I am God’s Son’?

I can see why some Christians and super believers would have issues, though. Christianity and those who believe like it never rip off anything and use it as their own or in their own way for their own interpretation, right?

Oh. Nevermind.

Fear Of The Black (Male) Planet

"I know something was wrong when a little pretty white girl ran into a black man's arms. Something is wrong here. Dead giveaway" -- Charles Ramsey

Now, to many, this quote was pretty funny.  It was the words of a hood black man, speaking from the heart, about a situation in which he found himself in the middle.  I hadn't even thought of the quote until I saw a Facebook post from a friend of mine.

"I know something was wrong when a little pretty white girl ran into a black man's arms." Something is wrong here. Dead giveaway." Quote from Charles Ramsey regarding his discovery/saving of three Cleveland women. We may have come a long way in the last 50-100 years, but it's obvious we still have a long way to go.

Now, she is white and I think she, like many other young, established whites, recognize that in the terms of race relations, the nation has not just a long way to go, but we have miles and miles and MILES to go.  But what I don't think they understand is they, as well as other races, are taught to fear the black man every day.

"But Kitti! No one is at my job or at my home telling me to be scared of black men! No one is telling me that black men are evil! And even if they did, I wouldn't stand for it!"

Uh. huh.

Let me ask you this:: when it's a group of you and your friends out and you see a group of young black men walking toward you, what's the first thing you do? Hug your purse a bit tighter, perhaps? Lock your cars doors AGAIN although you know you just locked them five minutes before? Immediately pull out your cell phone "just in case something happens". If you are walking, you probably cross the street if the black men look particularly.....thuggish.  How many jokes have you giggled to that ended with a punchline of "and the black man (insert something dumb or criminalized here)"?
See, white people (and many blacks too) don't want to admit that we have been taught to fear the black man.  In the 1920s, Cocaine was made illegal by preying on the fears of white males; they were told that if black men working in the shipyards kept taking cocaine (that was given to them by their bosses, by the way), they would break free and rape all the white women.  Same thing for Marijuiana.  The black man was once again blamed, put on trial, and judged, all based on irrational fears.  In the 1960s, the fear of the black man having guns was why then governor Ronald Reagan signed gun control into effect (the Black Panthers had promised to protect their neighbors from white cops by using any firearm they had).  In the 90s, the fear of the black man was amplified; The Central Park 5, for example. For young black males accused of raping a white woman? In Central Park? Oh yea. Black men all over the COUNTRY were put in the crosshairs.  The media, prosecutor, and police all played a role in solidifying a mentality that many whites still carry around to this day: The black man is dangerous.

So, am I shocked that this unlikely hero said what he said? Nope.  Because behind the teeth and the Sho' Nuff hairstyle, he knows the truth: If a pretty white lady is scared and threatened by the President, he knows they are scared of him, too.

Oh, and before I bounce.....Gina DeJesus and Michele Knight. They are the two other women in that house with Amanda Berry, but as we all know, the media doesn't care about missing minority women...but that's another blog for another day.

Lauryn & Lindsay

Can we address the legal system in America, please?


Justice may be blind, but the bitch sure is partial.

So, Lindsay Lohan, actress and currently the reigning Queen of Disaster, recently revealed in an interview that rehab was pointless, among other things she should have STFU about.  But this article really isn't about her lackluster attempt at sobriety and relevance.  It's more about how she has been handled by the court system, as compared to musical superstar Lauryn Hill.  L-Boogie's recent problems with the IRS has been no big secret, and just yesterday, after paying almost 1 million of the 1.8 owed, MLH was sentenced to 3 months in federal prison, fines of over $300K, PLUS house arrest when she is released.

Wait.

Now, Lindsay Lohan has been to rehab SIX TIMES. All six court ordered. All six stemming from broken probation and parole hearings. Do you know what happens if you break probation and break bail? You get arrested (I learned that from Dog The Bounty Hunter) Besides, I thought California had a "3 Strikes Law". You know...that whole if you get caught doing the same thing three times you go to prison for life thing?  And ok...so they don't have a 3 strikes law.  In every other court system in America, REPEAT OFFENDERS ARE PLACED IN PRISON AFTER SO LONG.

So.....what's going on here?

Lohan gets to break laws, lie about cocaine possession, steal, and all the court system keeps doing is giving her a slap on the wrist. A "don't do that anymore, little girl" is said to her in court as she cries and ACTS her way into another chance.  She never takes her rehabilitation serious.  She never takes court serious.  She does bullshit, placates the audience by saying "The judge saved my life", but then goes on TV and says "Oh, I don't have a problem. I just do this because I can. I can do whatever I want." The justice system shows me everyday that if you are a somewhat pretty white woman, you can do anything and get a light sentence, including sleep with your 14 year old student.

Meanwhile, black women like Lauryn Hill and young black girls like Kiera Wilmot are arrested and hauled off, given harsher punishments, and their explanations of why they do what they did is written off as crazy or misguided.

"Oh, Kitti, you always make things a race issue!"

It's hard not to make it about race when it's there in your face.

Beauty & the (Societal) Beast

On today, the Nerdy Nonconformist is going to step back and let another Nerdy Nonconformist (who so happens to be your friendly neighborhood Irish Republican) to handle this week's blog.  It's actually a Facebook note she posted, but I was moved. I really was, mainly because I agree with so much of the post.  Without further adieu, Madame Brittany Edwards and her take on beauty, love, and society that we called "Beast".

The first time I heard someone refer to women as the weaker sex, I was appalled. Even at a young age, I remember thinking that I was capable of doing anything a man could do, and honestly, I could probably do it better. But the older I get, I realize that maybe we are weaker; not because we aren’t capable of matching a man’s accomplishments, but because we continue to let everyone else define us-what makes us beautiful, what makes us successful, what makes us worthy. 

My entire life if you had asked me to write down five words that described me, I could have listed 100 different options, but the one word I never would have written down was beautiful. I always considered myself fat. Some years, I was legitimately overweight, I know that. But looking back, most of the time it was more just a case of me having big hips and a (really) big butt. My waist, if gone straight down, would have fit in a size 8 pair of jeans. That never mattered to me. Until I could borrow my thin, pretty friends’ pants, I would never be considered beautiful. Even now, every week I go to the gym 5 times, meet with my trainer twice, and walk/run with my best friend around the city three nights- all so I can fit back in my “skinny jeans,” which are a size 10, still considered big by societal standards.

When I weighed myself this morning I almost cried. I’ve lost two pounds in a month. I felt so frustrated. I keep doing all this work and the rewards are so low. Then I asked myself why getting back to that magic number was so important. 

The answer is that it isn’t important. No one is going to love me more because I’m 25 pounds lighter, and if they do, then they aren’t someone I need in my life anyway. All it will do is maybe make me feel better about myself because I’d be closer to what society deems perfection. In reality, I have a lot of things going for me: I’m smart; I’m funny and witty; I make killer long islands and sangria; I’m fiercely loyal; I’m driven; I’m a great NERTS partner; and, obviously, I’m also extremely modest. 

I’m not pretending men don’t have societal forces focused on them too. They have to deal with Ryan Gosling, George Clooney, Alec Baldwin, etc., but in no way do they as a whole let it influence them the way women do. Men don’t sit around wondering how they can have it all-they just take it and go with it. They don’t judge other men on what age they get married, what age they have kids, what they look like. After a certain age, they really don’t judge women either; we keep doing that to ourselves. We know that the pictures of the models in Cosmo aren’t real, but that doesn’t stop us from buying over 14 million copies of it a year, just so we can get tips on how to look like them, or spending over $9.9 billion on plastic surgery in 2012 (men only spent $1 billion). We know that we don’t need a boyfriend or husband, but that doesn’t stop us from feeling like there must be something wrong with us if we are single. When my guy friends first hear my views on marriage and children, they may be shocked but it is not a huge deal, some even agree with me. It’s my female friends that give me hell about it. “Do you want to be alone forever?” “You’ll change your mind one day.” “A career isn’t everything you know.” “How could you not want to be a mom? It’s the best feeling in the world!” I admit, I judge them too, and so do the rest of my “career-oriented” friends. I think my stay at home mom friends are wasting their talents, that my friends who got married before graduating college will be hiring me for their divorces in the next 10 years, and that my friends who have already had children are missing out on the most exciting years of their life. 

There’s nothing wrong with wanting to be healthy, happy, and loved; it is this obsession with perfection, with having it all, that is the problem. We as a whole need to realize that terms like beauty, happiness, and success are relative to the individual. Only when we stop tearing each other down or holding ourselves to impossible standards, can we truly claim to be the stronger sex.

The Lake Show Is Dead

So, I didn't want to make this declaration.  I didn't. Not because I'm a Lakers fan (I'm a Sixers Girl) and I don't hate the Lakers per se (their fans are DEFINITELY a different story however....ha!) but I think it needed to be said because you cats are in a state of disillusion and what kind of friend would I be if I didn't shake you by the shoulders and say "Hey. Wake up, honey."

The Lake Show as you knew it is dead.  It actually started it's slow decline in 2010, with those pictures Kobe took. Oh. You forgot the pictures?

#NeverForget

No lie. The moment I saw this, I said in my head "It's a wrap for the Lakers. This man got on a bow tie, a 3/4ths length shirt, a hat and a sweat band. AND IS THAT TINTED LIPGLOSS?!?!?!"

*leaps out window*

I digress.  After they got swept by the Dallas Mavericks (for real...who saw that coming? They didn't put up a fight or anything!) and the public meltdown of several of the players caught the attention of everyone, the chips just started falling at will. They lost their fearless leader in Phil Jackson. Fisher got traded. They got Nash (who I think at one point said he would NEVER wear a Laker jersey); They got some kid from Orlando who has never really been a factor in the game but because he is a big guy, he gets a lot of attention (a modern day Shaq if you will, but at least Shaq had the rings to back up anything he said). They got Pau, who shows up and plays when it's cool for his pysche, And....that's about it. Who else is making it happen for the Lakers.Oh yea. This guy.

But he is a clutch player. Can't take that away from him.

But yo...for real....The Los Angeles Lakers WILL NOT be contenders again until the 2014-2015 season. Quote me.

This Whole Tebow Thing.....

Think back for a second. Ya'll remember when Tebow FIRST got drafted, and I said "Hey. The kid is OK, but he only got drafted because the NFL needed a PR savior?" Oh, ya'll dogged me.  Said I didn't know sports. Called me a hack. Said I didn't know anything because I was a *gasp* GIRL.  And all I did was smile. You know why? Because I know a media move when I see it.

See, Tebow isn't that great. We all know this.  If he was a great as others though he was, he'd be a starter. Period. Point blank. But see, Tebow was NEEEEDDDEEEEDDDDDDDD, do ya hear me. NEEDED.  The league was plagued with one quarterback who had rape charges, another who was just getting out of federal prison on dog fighting charges, and many other players who decided that they were going to drink and drive, beat up their girlfriends, and do whatever else they wanted to do because they are, after all, human.  With all this going on, the NFL commish had to do something. ANYTHING. Even if that meant have the media hype up convince a team to draft a player who was good looking, Godly, hard-working but not talented; someone who you wanted your dated to lose her virginity to; someone who would be a good look.  Someone who, as Mike Golic called him this morning,is  "a commodity".

And TA DA! Here you have Tim Tebow.  A young kid who made OK grades who was Godly, a virgin, and just so damn nice that you felt bad if you didn't at least try to like him. I mean, he has built a PR empire on being "nice."  Such is life; such is his lane.

Now, my stance on his talent is still the same; he needs to go to the CFL, fine tune a few things, and come back strong OR he could accept being passed around in the NFL until it's "his time".  The second tactice would work.  "Well Kitti, why?"

I'll tell you why. 

In 5 to 10 years, when the RGIII's and Mark Sanchez's of the league are getting ready to hit their climax, he will just be getting started? Why? Because he has been sitting on the bench, taking no wear and tear on his bones, getting rubbed up by trainers, and viewing the mistakes of others. So look, don't feel bad for Tebow. He is a PR commodity; we will see him again.

Keep Calm...It's not the end

You know, far be it for me to question someone's belief system, but uh....don't you think this whole "it's the end of days because bad things are happening" thought process is...well....kind of backwards?

Here me out though.

Evil has always existed. No matter if you believe in God, Buddha or yourself.  Evil is apart of the balance that is life.  Evil has existed since the first cave man killed another for having better animal pelts.  You know what else has always existed? Nature. Earthquake and storms and wild weather has been recorded for million of years. Floods and storms are nothing new. Not at all.

So these things....Evil men....wild nature...have always been present and real in our lives. Ask someone who has lost a child  to domestic violence or ask an older person who has lived through various weather situations.

You know what IS new? Technology.

The world isn't just now going to shit. It has been going to shit. We just see it now due to Facebook and Twitter and Instagram. Look. The 24 hour news cycle was created in my lifetime and they have to fill the void. Good news doesn't sell. It never has. Scandal sells. Corruption sells. Sadness sells. FEAR sells. So we sit around and tweet about Boston and terrorism while we watch CNN. We watch the horror of Newtown and Chicago unfold as we Facebook back and forth on MSNBC message boards. And as we do these things, we perpetuate that there is no good in this world. No hope.

What I'm saying is this: bad things happen. Doesn't mean the world is ending. Just means we can't ignore it anymore.