A Little Bit o' Truth (For The Fellas Friday)

So, it happened again, huh?

You met a pretty, melanin filled, afro fleeking, dashiki wearing, Black power spitting Sista.  Ya'll exchanged numbers.  Social media information.  Ya'll go back and forth flirting. She sends you sexy selfies (no nudes because she says "She ain't that type of woman") You even go on a few dates.  You met a few of her friends. She meets a few of yours.  Vibes are nice.  She's not down with the reality TV show craze. She got a degree or two. She got her head on straight.  Attitude ain't that bad.  You thinking "This shit just may be legit."  She don't have you ready to make her a #WCW (because you don't want your homeboys knowing that you done found a BANGER) but she got you subconsciously slowing up on the sexual memes that you post; she got you reading belle hooks and Angela Davis; Hell, you even down to go see the Barack and Michelle "Southside With You" movie.

Then you fuck.

And things are still going decently - not titles because "She's been hurt before" and "doesn't want to risk being hurt again" and you are with it - hell, you've been hurt, too - so the concept of a home cooked meal, good conversation, and a little consensual sex action is right up your alley.  AND SHE LIKES SPORTS.  You get upgrade from sexy selfies to nice, classy nudes ("I trust you" is what she says. "I know you won't put me out there in a bad way")  You feeling like you done hit the low key lotto - not even the million dollar one. Just the basic $10K dollar lotto so you can get a few things cleared up and move on about your life.

Then it all just....stops.

Her texts and calls about your day drop from several a day to maybe three times a week.  The sexy pictures end.  Long paragraphs about her day or how she feels now are only about two sentences long - if you even get a response.  And now, big fella,  you are in your apartment, staring at your PS4, trying to get your mind off of her because "she wasn't your girl in the first place." (which we will address in the blog one day soon) You got the Drake going.  You've had a few one night stands.  Your boys gone brought you drinks and weed, trying to make you forget about her ("Man, there are plenty of fish in the sea!" They say)

But for some reason, she lingers.

A little truth for you, honey.

You did nothing wrong.

Sometimes - a woman just isn't into you.  Even when she appears to be.  Even when she is desperately trying to be.  It doesn't matter how much she cooked for you.  It doesn't really matter how much she listened to your problems.  It doesn't matter how she made your dick feel.

You wasn't it, fam.

Listen, some women are just callous. And hurt. And bitter. And not over their exes. And filled with momma issues.  And harboring father issues. And bad at dealing with stress. And scared.  All those reasons that you and your homeboys use not to commit to a woman - or use to leave her high and dry - are applied to women too. Why? Because we are human. We are frail, just as you are. It doesn't make her a bad person. Just means she wasn't the person for you, no matter how you felt about her - or did feel and didn't want to admit to her at the time.

Sometimes, you gotta swallow the truth that the one you think is for you, ain't for you.


So look....go listen to a little more Drake.  Drink some more Henny.  Go ahead and shed that tear that you've been holding back since the last text that she didn't respond to.  And once your done - WORK ON YOU.

For you.

Dear Black Men

Dear Black Men,

I appreciate so many of my Black men for stepping up and saying "Yo. I'm sorry we have failed ya'll as men." I do. It warmed my dark little heart. It means a lot to see so many of you saying "Yo. I get it now. I understand."  As a Black Woman who has openly said that I fear ya'll - It means a lot that ya'll are hearing these words and your shook by it.  It means a lot that those words bothered you.

It means that there is some love there - and that the bond between us can be salvaged.

Yet, I need ya'll to understand - it takes more than words. It takes more than statuses and memes of Black couples with the hashtag of #BlackLove. It means not supporting men (and women) who promote and uplift rape culture. It means not supporting politicians who invade our womb and break the core of our reproductive rights. It means not supporting those who beat us or make jokes about domestic violence.  It means listening to us when we speak on our experiences that are hurting us to our core. It means you must allow for Black Women and Girls to be carefree. It means supporting Black Women who are business owners. It means not downing us to women and men of other races and placing them on a pedestal to where THEY think it's okay to speak and talk to us any type of way.  This means supporting Black Trans Women - whether you agree with their "life" or not.  This means means calling out the Umar Johnsons, Tommy Sotomayors, the Tariq Nasheeds, The Chey Bs, the Steve Harveys and letting them know that the Black Woman - YOUR Black Woman - is not to blame for what we are facing, but she is a product of her environment, much like you are.

Protecting the Black Woman ain't always about taking up arms and shooting (although sometimes, that may have to happen - Think of DuBois. Who sat outside his house with the shotgun to protect his wife and child from the KKK) - many times, its about ASSISTING and UNDERSTANDING her.  It's

about understanding the history of the Black man and woman as it dates back to Africa and through modern times.  It's about loving us in spite of - the same way we do ya'll.

Oh, and by the way - for my homosexual Black men? This goes for ya'll, too. You may not want what we have - but you dropped out of one of us. You have sisters. Many of you get your make up tips from us. Many of you came OUT to one of us before you came out to the rest of the world. Many of you have cried on the shoulder of a Black Woman when that bi-curious man broke your heart because he was "confused about what he wanted." Many of you get your support from us when it's time for you to venture out into the world and start your businesses. Stop calling us fish, gather your skirts and let's get it in.

Build us up like we build ya'll. This is the key to REAL Black Love. On any and every level.

I love ya'll. The Black Woman Loves ya'll. Always have. Always will. Let's build.

You Make It Hard To Be Black

Blacks make it hard for other Blacks to be their version of Black.

There.

I said it.

*exhales*

I don't think ya'll know how hard it was to type that.  Like, my inner Black Panther was screaming out NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO with each keystroke.  See, my inner Black Panther is much like David Banner - that whole "let's address our issues with each other privately" mentality.  But this is my issue - Blacks are not quiet with the criticism of things that aren't....."black".  Black America has a very group think mentality.

WE ALL HAVE TO FOCUS ON THIS AT THIS MOMENT RIGHT NOW AT THIS TIME!

WE ALL HAVE TO HATE/LOVE THIS ONE THING AT THE SAME TIME RIGHT NOW!

YOU HAVE TO LIKE THIS ARTIST RIGHT NOW OR YOU AREN'T COOL/HIP/WOKE.

IF YOU LIKE THESE THINGS, YOU ARE AN IDIOT/STUPID/CHILDISH/A SHEEPLE.

Excuse me while I read these uppity and judgmental Facebook post.  

Example. One of the biggest games in the WORLD right now.

Hold on. Let me catch this Mewtwo right fast.

Got his ass. Ok. Now where was I? Oh yea.  Now, no one is denying that people have gotten hurt while playing the game.  No one is denying that the places that have become "Poke Stops" is downright offensive. Or that people have used the game for some fucked up reasons.  But for one second, can we as Black folks let other Black folks live?  See, there are a lot of us that are using this game to cope.  Being Black has been kinda hard lately (if you hadn't noticed) and you don't know someone's level of mental stability.  So if a grown, 25 year old, job having, boyfriend having, sexual active red blooded Black American female wants to play Pokémon go, Then dammit SHUT UP AND LET HER. 

See, many Blacks want us to be so focused on one thing that we are supposed to ignore the rest of what is going on in our lives.  I'm not going to apologize for having various interest.  Yes, I believe in social justice.  I'm vegan when I have the money to afford it. Yes, I am a BIG TIME feminist who believes that my Blackness and my womanhood are two of the most important things I have (My ovaries and my word, fam) Yet, I also love anime. I love video games.  I LOVE ALL THINGS SPORTS.  I love make up and play it in often.  I think the snap chat filters are adorable as hell, and I'm annoyed by white privilege and Blacks who want to be among the ranks of the oppressors.  But that's the thing about being black - about being human.  I'm allowed to be all those things at once. I'm allowed to be me because in this world, all I have is my humanity and my version of it.

You wanna build the black nation? We wanna become a strong community.  Let's start with the first rule - it comes before economics, religious thoughts, sexuality, all that.

Rule #1 - I will NOT interfere with or judge my fellow Black person for being themselves.

This Ain't About You

Guys. Guys. Let's bring it in. It appears we need to have a discussion.

I really just want to give my guys the game.  Now, what I'm about to give you is considered a secret.  Matter of fact, the kid may have to disappear after I give this up because I'll be giving away the secrets.  Just know that I love you all, and all I ever wanted to do was spread truth, love and the Sex Positive American way.

Guys - if you are in a situation where you have a *cough* Fuck Buddy *cough*, and the women suddenly begins to creep you out because she acts like she cares, listen up.  No matter what happens - no matter what - I want you to go ahead and stand down. Don't call your boys talking about "she crazy! She wants a relationship!" No. Neaux. Nope.  Trust me.  That is the furthest thing from her mind.

It's not that she cares about you, or doesn't care about you - what she actttttuaaaallllyyyyy cares for is the dick.  There. I said it. We care about the well being and are concerned for the muscle that is between your legs.

When your "FB" randomly calls with that slightly awkward but sweet "So how are you?" She ain't really asking about YOU. She is asking her friend, Mr. Tal E. Wacker, about his day and how he is feeling.  When she asks "Are you doing ok?" What she means is "Did this jerk wash you today? Did he massage you? Did he protect you before he stuck you in that yamp? Do I need to come take care of you?" When she is "clockin' you" and asking your friends where you are, she is not asking because she wants to know if you're at the club - she is asking because she wants to know what time she send that "cum thru" text.  Trust me. She is having a whole conversation that involves you and doesn't involve you at the same time.

See, the issue is that women aren't allowed to talk that way.  A woman being blunt about her pleasure makes her a whore; us telling a man "Hey. This is really about sex and nothing more" often makes her the bad guy.  And truth be told - there are a LOT of men out there who feel some kind of way about a woman honestly saying "I don't give a damn about you - I'm checking on my friend, Mr. Dick MiDown!  Tell him I said hey!"  

Despite what ya'll say, ya'll are sensitive about your shit.  And we are the more sensitive sex.  So instead of making a big deal and hurting your pride, we often just let you think that you've got the power - that you are the man - that we are calling and being weird about YOU.

The truth is....It ain't about you.

When BLM meets Everything Else Matters But Your Black Life

Mizzou. It appears you have a serious problem on your hands.

So, we have heard about the hunger strike? A graduate student has refused to eat after proclaiming that Mizzou officials do not care about the racial tension or protection of their marginalized students on campus. And today, the Black students on the football team have said that they will no participate in football related activities until Tim Wolfe, the President of the school, resigns.

Black Lives Matter? Let me introduce you to Our Money Matters.

See, when this was just a lowly graduate student, this was ignored.  When the idealist Black man with no athletic ability speaks and does something drastic, the nation sweeps his actions under the rug - much like the student at Ole Miss who guarded James Meredith's statue or like the member of Phi Beta Sigma who ran across country to bring attention to the issues in Ferguson and Baltimore.  These actions, powerful in their own right, went ignored - by media and people alike.

But for some reason - when you play games with people's weekend hobbies and when you threaten the fabric of a unit - that catches momentum.

This is not to slam the student-athletes. On the contrary - I support them. I hope their families support them.  I hope those who call themselves the founders of BLM supports them. And I hope their fellow student athletes support them AND join them in their strike. But what I find sad is the calls to have these men - these Black men who are using their freedom of speech and assembly to bring light to an action - are being railroaded and treated as if they are scum. As if they haven't brought the university millions in jersey and game ticket sales. As if they aren't star students. As if they aren't ambassadors for the school. Have you seen the tweets? The statuses? My gawd.  Calls to take away scholarships, suspend players, and take legal action are coming from fans. Fans, mind you. Those who, if a player were accused of rape or some other crime, would stand by the player until the end of time. But because they are standing against a system, they are now the enemy. 

BLM meets Our Football Game Matters So Fuck Your Rights.

I Need To Call In Black

I need to Call In Black. 

No seriously. I need this to be apart of leave time at work. Sick days. Vacation Days. Family Sick Days. Maternity Leave. Black Days. Because living this life is stressful, breh.

"Hello? Bureau of Blackness? Chile. Look......."

Like, think about. We wake up to images and video of our men and women being abused, railroaded, and broken. Videos our arrests and death make the news cycle and are shown without remorse to family or friends.  Micro-aggressions about our vernacular, our sexuality, our religion or lack thereof, our womanhood, our manhood, our clothes, our forms of media, our family statuses are thrown around as if we aren't human. Like we ain't got feelings. And some days, we can take it.  Some days, we can roll with the punches, take the shots on the chin, and keep it moving.  Some days, we can deal with the professor calling us by the wrong name (Seriously? This it the second time I've taken you. YOU KNOW WHO I AM) Some days, we can deal with someone reaching up and touching our hair without our permission (I AM NOT YOUR DAMN ZOO) We can deal with other races telling us that we are too angry and we should just let things go (We ain't telling Jews to forget the Holocaust, but okay).  You can deal with people saying that Black Women are the reason the Black Community is so weak (We just gone ignore the systematic destruction of who we are? Shit. OK.) But look.

Some days. JUST SOME DAYS. You just want to call in and be like "Neaux. Noap. No. Nope."

It's on those days where I just wake up...angry.  Like every news story bothers me.  Every article about race engulfs and enrages.  And I don't mean for it too - but James Baldwin once said something along the lines that living as a African American is like living in anger daily.  It's like you have to watch every little thing you say; every social media post; every tweet; every Instagram picture.  People are WAITING for the slip - waiting for you to fall so they can egg on the situation.  Instigate the feeling of sheer...overwhelming frustration.  And when you are trying to be an example, it's HARD not to give in to the feeling of just.....slamming down a fist.

So, listen. I want to Call In Black today.  Perhaps tomorrow, too.  This means I'm not getting on social media. I'm not clicking any hashtags. I'm not responding to any tags about social activism.

And I'm definitely not reading ANY comments in the comment section of ANY news article.

Inferior?

So I'm having a conversation a few days ago and I was told "Men are inferior when it comes to sex."  An immediate eyebrow raise occurred and I swear, if we would have been talking instead if texting, I would have stuttered all over myself.

Wait.

Long story short, I was told that because women have stamina, and are multi-orgasmic, that means that our sexual prowess and made us the superior sex when it comes to....well, sex.

Yall KNOW I disagree, right. *follows head nod* See, yall know me so well. This is why we are who we are.

Now, I don't think that my love was wrong PER SE in the assessment. Nor will I say they aren't factual. Women do have a higher rate of stamina - recovery time on fleek. Annnnddddd the rate and amount at which we can achieve an orgasm is pretty  impressive (record is 222 orgasms during a Masturbate A Thon in Denmark) but the strengths that women have aren't really weaknesses on a man's part - and the lack of definitely doesnt make men the inferior sex.  Yall have penises for christ sake.

Penises.  Yes, we carry life - but yall must be around to CREATE it. Bruh. Poowweerrr.

But back to the topic. Easy, I forgot it (J. Cole voice) I think what one sex is missing, the other makes up. Men have to recover, but it takes women a little longer to get cranked up (you gotta rev us up like a Caprice Classic).  Women have the stamina - men have the strength (if you've never experienced the.....never mind. We wont go into that detail. *snarky grin*) I think thats what makes sex between a ♂ and a ♀ something great.

What one lacks, the other has. And both powers seem to play off each other - feeding into the frenzy.  That is definitely not inferiority - seems more of an exchangenod energy to me.

Besides - if y'all are inferior, lets discuss this little fact -

The ultimate download 

Feel The Bern

Sooooooooo.....Bernie Sanders is like....the liberal's version of Donald Trump. Down to the unruly hair and the consistent appearance of disheveled levels of  "I don't give a fuck."

My guy always looks like he is debating the prices of a corned beef sammich.

But hear me out tho.

I like Bernie. I do.  He seems like an interesting guy.  He is Jewish; grew up middle class; has been in public service all his life. And after a little bit of leaning (shoutout to the protesters - don't stop until you change their minds!), it seems that Bernie now THOROUGHLY understands that #BlackLivesMatter.  But he seems a bit....dare I say....out of touch....with certain things.  Well, let me not say out of touch.  But let me stick to my point. His thought process is a little dated. And a bit extreme.

See, Bernie has been in the upper part of the United States for a while.  Vermont to be exact.  And I think that the air has gotten to him because the whole thought of a utopian society of socialists isn't reality.  My guy believes that straight talk and honesty will get things done.  That singing Kum By Ya is the way.  I want to politely tap him on the shoulder and remind him that this is Washington, DC in the United States of America, and that he himself marched for Civil Rights - so he knows how this goes.  He knows that the methods he is using is one for books and movies - in real life, we are idiots who can barely tie our shoes.

He better ask Obama.

The last debate showed his naivety.  His lack of answers on gun control parellel Trump's naivety on Immigration reform.  His narrow scope of foreign policy reinforces what the war hawks always say about Liberals - that we are weak on matters of foreign policy and don't quite know what's going on.  Interestingly enough, his narrow scope reminds me a lot of Trump's.  It's not that they mean to be narrow minded - it's about environment.  Bubbles, if you will.  Bernie is stuck in Vermont; Donald is stuck in Manhattan. 

NOW, I'm not saying this in an effort to say "Don't vote for him".  I encourage you to go to his website and see what he is about.  And maybe I was a bit harsh for calling him Donald Trump?

A liberal version of Glen Beck?

That sounds a LITTLE better.

Toy Soldier

If you Google "Things you don't know or need to know about sex toys", you'll get a million articles from a million places all saying that same thing.  "The first known dildo is so and so age" and "vibrators were invented by this person" will more than likely come up.  These articles have been written by women and men, of all races and ages.  And as I got ready to write this - I found myself not wanting to be cliché.  I mean....everyone has covered this.  So what can I say that's different?  What can I say that's unique about something that is so natural - which is sexual exploration and experimentation?

I immediately thought about my first experience in buying something from an adult store.  Had I been to sex stores? Sure.  That was on the Freshman in College Bucket List - "Go to the back room in Record Rack" or "Visit The Hut".  So friends and I got our laughs by going to these places, looking and giggling about something that we were adult enough to see, but not really old enough to understand.  And while my friends and I were all pretty sexually active in college - none of us really UNDERSTOOD sex. (Truth be told, many of us STILLLLLL don't. But I digress.) So these trips and excursions were fun, but soon lost their flavor, as we moved to other interests and Freshman In College Bucket List Things.

I don't know what made me go back.

Curiosity?  Self awareness? I'm not sure.  All I know is that my sister and Brother in law gave me my first vibrator as a gag.  We were all working in the mall and they stopped by my job with a gift that they said I need to open when I'm alone.  "You need to relax," they said  with a smile.  Did I? I mean - I had a boyfriend at the time and things were flowing pretty well, so I laughed it off.  Until I got home. And opened it.  And there I was, staring at my kink for the first time.  It felt odd. Then good. Then weird. Then I just stared at it like "this is so not me."  Not in the sense of "I'm not this desperate" but in the sense of "I wouldn't have picked this for myself."   Listen. It was so BIG. Like "WHHHYYYYYYYYYY" type of big. Like "Oh My" type of big. Like "You are NOT sticking that in ME" type of big.  Yet, as I laughed and put it away, it made me wonder - what would I have bought for myself?

So, when I went to the store, I knew what I wanted and had an idea of what would make me happy.

Stop. Let me not act as if I'm some guru or like I'm soooo sure of myself   I was scared.  Literally scared to death.  It's amazing what I do and don't remember - like, I don't remember if I was by myself. I don't remember which store it was, but I know it was in Little Rock.  Like, I don't know why I thought I'd be judged by other people in a head shop, but I did.  Upon reflection, this was ten years ago - maybe I felt out of place because I didn't see faces like mine in the building besides on the pornography magazines and videos.  Maybe it was admitting that I was a "freak", as defined by other 18-22 year olds who had no clue about sex, either.  But no matter WHY, the fact remained that I still went in, scared shitless, and paid cash because I didn't want the charge to pop up on the bank statement that I shared with my mother.  Like, who wants to admit to their mother that they got something to get them off? Not I, said the little kitten.

Hm.

Since that day, I've done my share of purchasing. For others and for myself.  And I've learned that sex toys are porous, and have to be cleaned, and that they go on sale, and that there are groupons for them (Yo.) and that the industry for sex toys in a billion dollar business.  But you know what I haven't learned?

How to get rid of that "I'm being judged" feeling when I walk through the doors.

That ONE Friend

Ladies and gentlemen, let's discuss that ONE Friend.

We all know what friend who will do and say the dumbest things just to get noticed? That hypocritical friend that when he talks, you're like "Bruh.."?  That's Ben Carson to me.  A lot of people call him an "Uncle Tom" and a "Token", which I find offensive to my mans Uncle Tom AND my mans Token.

Token didn't take Cartman's shit for you to insult him this way.

And honestly, my issue with Ben Carson isn't even that you think the "white man's ice is colder."  Actually, I would like to think he realizes the struggles that a Black man has to overcome in order to make it in a society that begins profiling our sons when they are as young as the 4th grade.  My overall issue with Ben Carson is that he's a bigot. And an idiot. And a little naive. And a bit of a hypocrite. But a lot of bigot.

Have you heard some of the things this guy has said? First, it's problematic that as someone running for this position, you can't explain the debt limit or your take on what to do.  Secondly, those little comments that he made about the Oregon shooting? He only wants immigrants of the respectable sort, and then there are those pesky comments about Hitler and gun control - and dude even made a joke about it! And then was like.

I mean....but about those Jews and those guns, eh? EH?

 

 

Carson, much like any Republican, is a bit heavy on the "Do as I say, not as I do" tip.  He benefited from affirmative action, but feels that there is no need for it now because "race doesn't determine the underdog".  He believes that the Japanese deserved their form of reparations, but that African Americans don't deserve reparations for slavery.  Of COURSE, he has his nose in the womb of a woman, and I think that HE thinks that because he was in pediatric surgery, that he has the right to do so.

Lowkey....no. HIGHKEY. I think Ben Carson is auditioning to play the part of Vice President.  You know how all the Vice Presidents act when they are auditioning - everybody is being loud and extra wrong.  And extra simple.  And that's one thing that makes him that ONE FRIEND.  He's that one friend that wants you to know his triumph, but forget his struggle.  He's that ONE friend that plays on being Black when it's nice and convenient - but when it's time for our Black doctors to be on our side, he leans away.  Simply put, Ben Carson is that one friend that just....

Won't.
Go.
Away.

If I Say I'm Pro-Sex

When I say that I'm "Pro-Sex", what's the first word that you think of?  Or when a woman says she is sex positive - what string of words or sentences pops into the cerebrum?  Depending on who you are, you may think that she is a "hoe" or even (gasp) a "Thot."  Let's face it - fifteen years ago, you'd never hear a song about a man giving a woman head, and if you did, it would be so heavily metaphoric that you would have to decipher the code to understand that 'Hey. He just said he'd perform oral sex on her!'

And must we be reminded of the shocked that occurred when emcees like Lil' Kim and Foxy Brown began to openly talk about sex, their expectations and how it should be? Oh, let's go further back. Salt and Pepa, anyone?  Man, to think that those were the opening stages for a lot of young women's sexual questions (mine included because um - I wanted to know what a cock was) - and this was almost twenty years ago.

But even with this open shift of talking about eating booties and eating a woman until she cries, there is still little room for a woman to be open and frank about her sexuality, her appetite, and her prowess.  You'd think it was still 1996 and the Lil' Kim had made another head reference on a mainstream track.  Even Miss 65 Million Sold, Nicki Minaj, has had to take heat for her lyrics and overall sexual nature  - But why?

People view sex one of two ways - if you talk about sex too openly, you aren't wife(y) material and therefore, anything that is said can be dismissed with a simple wave of the fingers and a delete of the comment.  Or, she gets the DM slide.  Do I really have to explain the DM slide? Ok. The DM slide is when a guy or girl comes into your private messages, without warning, so they can proposition sexual situations or conversation.  Most are pretty harmless.  But many are predatory and vulgar.  Extremely. Vulgar.

But I digress.

I find it interesting how we have to remain respectable.  How we as women, even in 2015, have to act as if sex is not a fun act - something that even now we aren't supposed to be able to enjoy, much less discuss outside of....I don't know....knitting circles and "girl time" get together.  Eleanor Roosevelt once told her daughters that sex was needed, but cumbersome, situation, geared toward the pleasure of the man - and for the most part, she was right.  Mainstream didn't talk about the woman's sexual pleasure until the 60s, but by then, it was engrained in us that "Ladies" don't talk about the bedroom.  That "Ladies" don't discuss not being pleased.  Simply put - a person who has a vagina has no say so in the implementation of pleasure or sexual activity. 

But that's not the scary part, because people in general are not comfortable with others being open and honest about the dirty deeds that we do between the sheets.  What's scary is that there is an open push against the education and furthering of women's reproductive rights.  It's concerning.  I can only have baby on the terms of others - how is that freedom? How is that motherhood? Or womanhood for that matter.  Even when it comes to who speaks for us, we can't.  A few years ago, a panel went in front of the Senate to discuss the issues dealing with women's health, and the panel was ALL MEN.  Not. A. Pussy. In. Sight.  And trust me, when discussing those things that are sex positive and pro sex, women's health is important.  Just as important, if not more so, than what makes her quiver.  Dig me?

But look - questions? Comments?  We will be discussing Men's sexual health too (Guest blogger in mind?  Just give him my information)  Let's just call me the Hood Dr. Ruth (I just cracked myself up from that image LMAO).  If I don't know the answer, I can find it.  If I can't find it - you may have stumbled on something.

The Queen Has Returned

It's been a long time. I shouldn't have left you without some dope words to read through.

Seriously. I haven't touched this since 2013 because I got tired. I got frustrated. Oh but my babies, a lot has happened since then.

Trayvon. Eric. Mike. Freddie. Sandra. Rekia. #BlackLivesMatter. Hands Up, Don't Shoot. #YouOkSis. Baltimore. Ferguson. NYC. Bruh, I know I'm missing some things - but the truth is  - I didn't know what to say.

I didn't wanna be "that blog". I didn't want it to be alllllll political and black because that's taxing on MY soul. Being Black is hard enough - write about it every day? Shit.  Between my facebook, my twitter, my IG, I felt like I was beating a dead horse. But I didn't want to be a blog that ignored it. So I had to let these energies balance out. Had to find focus. Had to get back to me.  And sometimes, as a writer, that takes time. But guess what? I'm gonna quote our favorite fictional anti-hero right now.

"I'm back, bitches" - Luscious Lyons

So, no games. This month, I'm launching a podcast (I need a male cohort. Interested? Email me) I will be posting video content called "Mid-week Mind Games". Looking for guest bloggers, too. 

The Nerdy Nonconformist is back.
Your favorite loud mouth is back.

Hold on. It's gonna be a bumpy ride.

Why I Friend-Zoned You

*sigh*

I'm really tired of the complaints from the "Friend Zone".

No. Please. Continue rattling on about these video vixens that you are gunnin' for.

It's not the Friend Zone isn't real; Oh, it's very real, and honestly, women get friend zoned WAY more than men.  The thing is...it's all about WHO is friend zoning WHO and WHY.

I've friend zoned guys for a few reasons and when I get to talking to some women, I find that they had the same reasons as well.  So, without further adieu, here are a few reasons why you got "Friend Zone."

1) I told you when we MET I wasn't looking for a serious relationship.
You saw me in the club. You complimented me. I complimented you. We had a drink. Danced a bit. And while we have a nice connection, I told you via text THAT NIGHT that I wasn't looking for a serious commitment.  I told you that while we could chill, I don't want anything heavy; Dinner (maybe). Movies (occasionally). Sex (yes please). But nothing serious. Yet you continue to ask "What are we?" or "Where is this headed?"  So yes. I friend zoned you out of peace of mind because you were becoming a bug a boo (Kelly Rowland head roll) and you had no respect for my space.

2) She was probably out of your (mental) league.
I'm not talking about your standards of money or status.  I'm talking about your mental.  See, MOST times, before a guy hollers at a woman, he does a QUICK background check, if it's as simple as "Yo, homey. Who is shorty with the fat ass?"  Now, I know from EXPERIENCE that if a woman is a gold digger, a tease, or anything of that nature, ya'll will tell it.  So if a homeboy says "Yo man. She's a bit of an academic. She's not going for simplistic, basic shit", and you know that you are a basic, simplistic ass cat.....well....yea. You'll get friend zoned.  Us academic girls want to talk about more than pop culture and sex (although those two things are VERY fun to discuss) and let's be real; if you can't keep up mentally, you'll definitely lack everywhere else.

3) You're An Asshole.
No explanation needed. Women like Alpha Males. Not assholes.  And chances are, you're the worst type of asshole: You don't know when to turn that mess OFF.

4) Three Words: "Homey, I'm Taken."
Let's be COMPLETELY real. A lot of the men complaining that they are in the friend zone were zoned by women in a relationship. Whether her relationship is on the outs, in good standing, or in between, she is committed to someone. See, a lot of men suffer from the same disease some women suffer from: IWantittis (pronounced i-Want-it-tis); like toddlers, they only want things when they see someone else playing with it. That same girl was single for YEARS, and the moment she got a man, suddenly you discover where you "lost" her number and you hit her with the "hey stranger".  You set yourself up to be friend, counselor, helper to a woman whose heart belongs elsewhere to begin with. Then you wonder why she calls you her "best friend" and gets her back blown out by a dude who barely remembers her birthday.

Wanna get out the friend zone? Be yourself. Listen to what people say. And for Christ's sake, stop shooting for women who are committed, even if it's half hearted commitment. You'll fair a lot better.

Jay-Z & Shopping While Black

So, by now, we all know the story of Trayon Christian, Barney's and the belt, right?  Unless you've been under a pop culture rock, you've heard the stories, and all the follow up stories of how African Americans are being stopped after shopping in these expensive, upper class retail stores.  Much like DWB (Driving While Black), SWB (Shopping While Black) is not a new level of racism; Ask any black kid who grew up in a middle to lower class neighborhood with a store ran by a Asian.  We've been getting hit with the "Hurry Up And Buy" since before Menace to Society, so we were used to, and of course outraged, by this story.  A young black male goes to buy a belt (something that will apparently prevent them from being profiled and treated badly according to black apologists and conservative whites) and he is....profiled...while buying the belt.

Now, let this would have happened to...say....an Arab student?  Or say, an Asian American? Their communities AND their celebrities would be on the ball.  There would be no question.  There would be no "oh, let's wait and see what the police say."  The ball would be rolling.  *scoffs* But not our community.  Not our celebrities.  Matter of fact, our celebrities apologize for others being racists to THEM.  But let's address this current situation.

First, the young man was demonized for buying the belt by members of the black community (To which I say, to each his own.  He worked HARD for his money; he has no other pressing responsibilities; let him go for it!) THEN, our black celebrities remained (not surprisingly) quiet.  Which they always do; I never expect a black celeb to stand for anything anymore.  Black A-Listers aren't into being "spokespeople" (which is fine) but they also tend not to stand for anything (which is always a concern).

Jay-Z is held to a different standard, no matter his feelings on the situation.  Let's be honest: Jay-Z has marketed himself as being a rapper, a business man, and a man of the people.  He is, no matter how he feels about it, New York's favorite *black* son, therefore what he and his family does is deemed important.  So when a young Black man from NY is stopped at a store that Jay-Z shares a partnership with, OF COURSE people are looking to him with the confused face, especially when he says something like "oh, I don't know all the facts of the case, so that's why I didn't say anything sooner."

Sir. Sir. Stop it.

You know what I find hypocritically funny about Jay-Z? In 2010, he released the song "On To The Next One", where he famously says "I used to drink Cristal, them fuckers racist; Now I drink gold bottles; On to that Spade shit."  So, he'll drop a corporate sponsorship or stop supporting with a company that shows racism toward HIM, but if a company shows it toward his fellow people, he "has to get all the facts."

Oh.

Reattachment

I won't lie. I've been detached lately.

I don't know why either. You ever felt like you were floating through life? Like you were making it but not making it all at once? My sister calls it failing and succeeding at the same time, and I'm here for that description.

But I digress. I know ya'll don't come to my blog for my ventings on my personal life (that's what FB and twitter are for) but this is just a reminder that the kid's blog is still active and I will do better.

I won't lie. I'm apprehensive. Respected black female bloggers are having their content stolen on a regular and what's scary/funny/annoying/angering is that it's white academics stealing the info and claiming the research as their own. But I gotta get my words back out there. I think that's one reason for my season of depression and slight anxiety

But I digress. I'm reattached like Mr. Bobbitt's penis and I'm ready to go. Be in the lookout. Big ideas are coming :)

Miley, Music and Mockery

This will be quick and to the point.

You know....at first, I was all for Miley and her exploration into Rap/Hip-Hop/Urban.  It actually fits the life cycle of several white female Top 40 artist.

Insert any name in there. 50% of the mainstream fit the cycle.

Meh. What's the harm?  As we can see, the artist always bounces back, comes back as another re-creation, and we all move on and pretend as if they didn't make songs with rappers and didn't perhaps smoke a blunt while in the studio.  But I think what's so interesting about Miley Cyrus is her interpretation (read: Her management/image consultants) interpretation into what they consider "urban culture".

Dafuq she got on?

Wait. What is this foolery? Miley, why do you have on this pedophile style bear? Where are your clothes? Where are standards? Do you REALLY think that's how we dress while we as Blacks are sitting around doing our home?  And what was that crap you called yourself doing with Robin Thicke?   Who signed off on this???!?

So Beetlejuice and Cynthia walk into the club......

From a business standpoint, It's like she fit Steps 3-5 into a 6 month period. Like, girl....why?  Why do you look so foolish?  Why do you feel this is the definition of urban?  Why do grills, nakedness, and blinking bears now represent Hip-Hop?

Oh. I see.

This isn't about feminism, gender, race or really even agenda.  It's about money.  There is money in foolery. There is money in acting stupid.  There is money in making a mockery of something that was created out of the ashes of poverty and a want for change.  There is money in being the joke.

*Rick Ross Grunt*

So recently, a church fired their young pastor for attending a Rick Ross concert.  He was young, gifted, and apparently was the youngest pastor in the 100 year history of the church.  And while I'm not in the church right now, as someone who grew up within the confines and restrictions of the church, I understand the concern that the members and the board of the church would have when dealing with this situation.

Hold on. Let me put on my First Lady hat real quick......

Now, let's keep in mind that when you say that you are "called by God," there are a lot of things that you now have to consider and think on.  Being a Pastor is not the same as being a regular old Christian.  You can't drink (well, your not supposed to) and your supposed to be a better man because of your position.  You are now in a position of authority: You are responsible for teaching and preaching the word, counseling, healing, and the overall spiritual health of your flocks.  Simply put, there are secular things that a Pastor just can't do. Why? Because you're supposed to be of a higher moral ground.  You're moral compass is supposed to be better. Why? BECAUSE YOU ARE CALLED. You are supposed to have a direct line to God, so sorry buddy....you having that beer out at the bar isn't supposed to happen. 

And let's address this whole "But my pastor uses Hip Hop as a reference tool all the time!" First, let me be clear. If your Pastor is using U.E.O.N.U (or however the fuck that shit is spelled) as a "teaching tool", then you may want to switch churches.  We aren't talking about a Pastor using Chuck D or Poor Righteous Teachers a teaching tool, because the images and thought processes behind that sort of music is different and it does fit the spirit of the church: Unity. Community. Personal responsibility.  And let's be real. Referencing a song during a sermon is NOT the same as paying money to attend the concert.  And to attend the concerts of people who are so blatantly against what you as a Pastor claims you represent kinda makes me view you strangely.

Meh. But what do I know? I'm just a kid who had to write the bible as punishment. What do I know about the roles of a Pastor.

New Audio (Forgive Me)

"Sorry but Not Sorry"

#BlackTwitter

So.....the portal to #blacktwitter has become a "thing". Open to any and all who come to twitter and click the hashtag or search for it. I'm going to be honest. I don't like it.

Who ain't here for #BlackTwitter being mainstream is me.

Black twitter is now up to be scruntinized amd baptized in the waters of mainstream media. We all know what that means; that when something goes on, the MSM will take the wildest, dumbest most ignorant tweet they can from Black Twitter and make it the battle cry of Black America.  While we have all said "I'm packing my shit and leaving black twitter!", for the most part, we take a lot of the things said at face value. Sometimes, it's HILARIOUS. Sometimes, it's sad. Sometimes, it's a great way to get information to the masses. All I see in my head is mainstream media taking one or two tweets and making it the voices of masses. Or taking one tweet out of context and saying "This is what black America thinks!" Other cultures are going to google black twitter and now think they "understand".  The truth is that it takes more than 140 characters and a few emojis to describe or define an entire culture. Being black is not slotted; there is no definition of "being black" and we will be catagorized by bios and twitpics, and never for who we are or could be.

Black twitter will be another way to profile our thoughts and actions.  Suddenly leaders will have to be elected and it will become clique centered. Profiling will be worse. Scrutiny and misunderstandings will happen, all because the mainstream is now paying attention and always looking for ways to discredit.

And can we address the fact that now that Black Twitter is "a thing", it'll be hi-jacked and used against us? Have we forgotten what has happened to Hip-Hop? Dance? All things that have been deemed apart of the "Black Sub-culture"? The moment the mainstream got ahold of it? BOOM. It instantly became a shell of what it used to be.  Don't follow me? Ok. Let's look at it on a historical level: look at HBCUs BEFORE they had to join with "mainstream" academics and look at them now. *chin stroke*

I don't know about this, guys.  I feel like we may lose our voice now that we are being heard.

*sits back and watches the show*

Freedom Ain't Free (Feardom)

A little something for the people. No worries. Live video is coming soon.